I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
