everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
