If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We're not piercing ourselves today.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
