it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
