This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Randomize
