what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
