Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
