YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
