Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
