I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
