will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
