i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
