she smelled like a LAN party
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
