I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
