i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
