i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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