what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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