No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
