I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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