I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
