Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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