im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
