I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
