we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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