I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
