I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
