I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
