What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Randomize
