look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
