I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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