she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize
