You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
