hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
