there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
