Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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