Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
