Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
