You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
