Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
