if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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