She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
