you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
