Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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