i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Randomize
