forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
