It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
