when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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