Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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