Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
