I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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