please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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