so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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