I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
