i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
