no, he came in my armpit
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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